It's Hard to Be Humble

Mac Davis wrote, "It's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way."

Of course, I don't claim to be perfect (at least as far as my writing goes!), but I can't help but think about these song lyrics this morning.

I've been working on The First Year this week and last week, because I want to start sending it in to publishers ASAP. Did I ever tell you how the idea for this novel came about? I was in a writing class at the time, and my husband was working at Shopko. Occasionally, he had to work freight, and he would leave at 4:30 AM. One morning, I panicked, because I had an extremely realistic dream that someone had been watching our apartment, knew I was home alone, and came in to kill me. He dragged me out of bed by my feet, pinned me to the floor, stole our stuff, packed some heat, etc. Obviously, it wasn't real, but I was always terrified when he left me, at least until the sun came up, and this was a particularly bad morning.

Anyway, I wrote a story about it, and I shared it with my mom, who suggested I turn it into an entire collection of short stories about the first year of marriage, since I was in the midst of experiencing it.

But now, back to Mac. I've had people in my writing group read my stories, so I can edit them to near-perfection, and I've been looking at the most recent comments about this story. There was more red all over this one than there was on any other, and I was (am) highly irritated. This was the story I spent the most time on, since it was an assignment that I had to edit within an inch of its life, and I thought it needed the least amount of work.

It's hard to be humble when you feel you've written something that's really close to perfect.

Anyway, I'm going to have to try and swallow the criticism. No story is ever perfect, so maybe if I humble myself, I might be able to make it even better.

But I'm still irritated.

Apartments and Employment

I am applying for a job with the state of Oregon this week. I don't know if I'll get it, but I think I'm very qualified. It's a full-time position, so if I do get the job, I won't have as much time to write.

I am very excited about this position, and I hope it works out for me. It will be sad to not have all day to write, but I am very grateful that I've had the last few months to be able to focus all of my attention on my writing. I will still write, always, but I am glad that I had the opportunity to focus all of my attention on it, even if it was just for a short time.

Again, I don't know what will happen though. I am making great headway on my latest project, and after I send in my application, I will go back to focusing on that.

Also, chances are we will be moving into our own place soon. It's an apartment out in South Salem, and it has two bedrooms, so I'll have a home office for awhile, which will be awesome.

It's crazy how everything seems to be coming together. It's a little scary how quickly things might change, but it will be good.

Yay life!

10 reasons why I love my job:

1. I love creating.
2. I love the feeling of accomplishment.
3. I love the pride that comes when I know I've written something really awesome.
4. I can work in my sweatpants, if I don't feel like getting dressed.
5. I don't have to deal with obnoxious people--I can escape into my own world and ignore this one when I need to.
6. I have a little more flexibility in my schedule
7. It will allow me to be a stay-at-home AND working mom, when the time comes.
8. I can read, and still feel like I'm being productive.
9. I love communicating with people, soul-to-soul.
10. It keeps my imagination alive.

I just wish I knew if it was going to pay off, but at least I love what I do. How many people can say that?

Truth

As a writer, I feel it is my job to write down little truths that are universal to the human condition. The problem is, stories tell the big, the grandiose, the exciting. They rarely focus on the ordinary, or else they wouldn't be stories. They would be anecdotes.

But, while stories tell exciting and unusual happenstances, the characters can still be simple and kind and ordinary, just like any of us. Perhaps the best stories place an Average Joe, just like you and me, in a situation beyond the every day. 

One of my favorite examples of this can be seen in The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien. It is not the elves, the wizards, or even the mighty warrior men who save Middle Earth in these stories: It is the simple folk, mainly the hobbits, who bring peace back into the world. 

I really like this quote from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and I'd like to share it with you today: 

[Some believe] it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love. 

                              --Gandalf the Grey

You may be ordinary, but you can still make a difference. 

This is something I've been thinking about as I develop my characters. I want to create a character that most people can relate to, even if the story itself can't just be filled with anecdotes of "the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk."

For what it's worth, those are my musings for the day.

The Joy of Reading

When I started high school, and also through college, I stopped reading for fun. I was assigned so many books to read, and I couldn't relax doing something that was so similar to my homework, that I just didn't do it anymore. 

But, I've since (re-)realized how important reading is, not just as an author, but as a human being. 

As an author, it is important to study the craft of others. Reading books in your own genre helps you keep up to date on what's publishable and trendy, as well as gives you a catalyst for new ideas, and helps you avoid being too similar to what's already out there. It also keeps your imagination alive. 

Your brain needs to be exercised, just like any part of your body, and if you don't use it every day, it gets weak. As a human being, reading is an important way to stretch your cerebral muscles. It also connects you with other worlds, other people, and other circumstances. It gives you an intimate look at what it might be like to be someone else, to be somewhere else. It strengthens your imagination,  your empathy, your charity, and likewise makes you a kinder person.

There is something exhilarating about finishing a book you can't put down. You want more. You think about it often. You're sad to see it end. I hope to one day create books like that for people. I want to help people enjoy the experience of reading. 

Fear

Fear is the thing most detrimental to the human experience. Now, I'm not just taking about phobias. I'm taking about legitimate, crippling fears that keep us from living life to the fullest.
Fear of failure.
Fear of loss.
Fear of the future.
Fear of what others think of you.
Fear of change.
Fear that someone else's choices will ruin your life, possibly forever.
I myself am guilty of being afraid, of all those things. I am afraid that I will never be able to get my work published. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to finish a novel that isn't a collection of short stories. I'm afraid of what might happen if I were to lose those in my life who are most important to me. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to pay rent, move out of my in-laws house, or be able to pay the cost of living. I'm afraid of not meeting the expectations of others, both physically and with what I make of myself. I'm afraid of how my life might change, but I'm also afraid that it might never change. Sometimes, I'm even afraid that my life will end when I'm at the movies or the mall.
But, I've come to learn that fear is the opposite of faith. If you are afraid, it is because you don't trust yourself. Or God. Or your spouse.Or your family. Or the people (who are ultimately good) around you. Or whoever. When you don't trust someone, you can't have a very good relationship with him/her. Without good relationships, life means nothing.
I may never be a published author. But I shouldn't let that spoil the joy I find in writing in the here and now.
I might lose a husband, or a brother, a parent, or friend someday. But being afraid taints the time I do have to spend with them, no matter how long that time may last.
I might not be the world's ideal. But if I worry about what other people think, it hurts my relationship with myself. I need to be my own ideal, and then give myself a break if I don't quite get there.
If I worry about the future, I will never progress: My fear will prevent me from action, and nothing will ever change.
The more afraid I am of failure, the more likely I am to fail.
Please, don't be afraid. You only have one life, so live it. Be fearless. Have trust that everything will work out in the end. And if it doesn't, at least you were along for the ride.

2013

Writing goals for this year:

1. Publish The First Year
2. Finish a draft of The Smarts (working title)
3. Practice writing every day
4. Read 12 books (one/month)
5. Spend more time with people and visiting new places
6. Figure out how to be the president of my ANWA chapter
7. Keep blogging, even though I hate it, and no one really cares anyway!

I am looking for (hopefully) part-time employment, but I hope not to lose my focus on my long-term goal: I want to be a writer.

We'll see what happens.